winding down... or is it?

i feel things coming apart a little bit, right at the seams. it's a little strange. it's like that shift of power thing, only it's not with power. i can't exactly put my finger on what it is exactly. maybe it's just me being me... but i don't think so. other people have noticed as well. i apologize, i am going to be ambiguous as hell here. i don't really want anyone to know what is on my mind exactly. so if you are reading this, just know something is there. it is neither good nor bad, but it spends its days festering into something i hope i can hold for awhile.

i don't even know where to start. change is coming... i feel a change in myself, and a change in others. perhaps the change is the shift, perhaps the two are unrelated. i found the best quote today that fits me to a tee: "A solitary, unused to speaking of what he sees and feels, has mental experiences which are at once more intense and less articulate than those of a gregarious man" i still feel that i feel things (hurt, love, pride, etc) deeper than most other people. i feel that is an assett, but i also feel it comes back to bite me in the ass sometimes. that sucks. it's the price i pay for introspection... for thinking so much.

i wish there was a way to slow it all down. just for a day. i need time! my deepest hopes are things that will remain forever undisclosed to the rest of the world! does that constitute living a lie? i don't know... unfreakinbelievable...

all right, enough of this. back to listening for music appreciation. check this piece out: five pieces for orchestra by wagner. it's creepy and dark and mysterious.

i love it.