Subject: Bah.

I am tired and cranky and I haven't had nearly enough sleep lately. Last night was the first football game and to tell you the honest truth, it wasn't a lot of fun. It was a LONG day and an even longer night given the circumstances. My great uncle passed away last night, so my family was pretty much just waiting for "THE" phone call... you all know which one... and it wasn't much fun. So the football game was just taxing... mentally and physically.

I took an hour and a half long nap today, which ended up being a big mistake... I woke up just in time to stumble out of bed, brush my teeth, throw on shoes, and get to band. Seriously, I pulled into W-Lot and didn't realize I had gotten there... you ever do that? It's weird. I was just sleepwalking at that point. And once we were about an hour into band, I felt like the "mono summer" all over again... I had a big headache and I was exhausted.

So I am loving the preschool... although I still have no idea what I am doing! Mary (the head teacher) must hate me cause I don't have a clue. I am still getting used to it though... the kids are so independent... it's crazy. They have grown up so much. I love them!! And I love the brand new toddlers... they just look sooo little but they really hold their own in the toddler room. These kids are incredible... I love them so much!

So tomorrow is another full day of band... woohoo! And it's gonna be a long one, with a (hopefully) amazing performance at the tail end of it. Munch, Katie, and Lisa are coming down so I am really looking forward to it... I love those girls and it has been way too long!

So Maggie Mc is on her way over for a sleepover :) Man, with all the QT we've been spending together lately, you'd think we were friends or something, and that we didn't hate each other anymore... strange...

Subject: Running in the rain.

So I just got back from a 7-miler in the pouring rain... it was awesome. I love running in the rain. The only bad part is the inch and a half of water that builds up in your shoes... it really weighs you down a lot more than you would think. But it's great... and it's nice and cool out... mmm. Good stuff. This, to me, is the essence of training!!

Sorry I was so depressed last night... it really hits you sometimes... strange.

Yay.

Subject: I am a senior in college.

I think it just really hit me. I want to cry knowing this is my last year of classes, craziness, organized music, the fraternity... it's crazy. I just e-mailed Tony; I know he went through rough patches his senior year and had a ton of anxiety about leaving... I just didn't think it would hit this early. It might not of had there not been a freshman in my section who is a perfect replica of ME on a four year delay. It's crazy... it reminds me how much things come full circle and how I will be "replaced" by someone so similar it will blow my mind. It makes me feel really good in one respect... and really sad and expendable in another. I mean, I still remember all the older people who shaped my first experiences here (Brendan, Rich, AJ, Tony, Ian, Matt, Timmer, etc) and I hope people remember me the same way. It's so scary... I don't want to be expendable, and I hope I have made some sort of impact on someone...

On a happier note (I'm not feeling very happy right now, in case you couldn't tell), the child labs are amazing. The preschool room is different, but all the kids are my toddlers from last year and I love them so much. What a super-cute group. And the brand new toddlers are so freakin cute. Some of them are tanks, and others are just little peanuts, but man... I love those kids. If I could spend every day in the labs just watching them and talking to them, I would. Kids are such an untapped resource and no one ever really stops to think about it. But I do.

I am listening to Kenny Chesney... I think this cd is my all-time favorite cd ever. It has a weird effect though... if I am happy, it makes me happier, and if I am sad, it makes me sadder. Strange.

I am happy to be in the swing of things again... I really am. And I am determined this year to keep myself together and at least LOOK calm and collected. Projection is half the battle... and I don't want to project crazy girl to everyone. It is going to be an amazing year.

Living with Kate is going pretty well. Neither of us is around much, so it's not like we have a ton of qt... but every once in awhile, there is a chat or two while we're hanging out. I think it's going to only get better from here, as we figure out schedules and stuff like that... Like I said, it's going to be an amazing year. It has to be.

I am so sleepy... too much thinking, analyzing, worrying...

...goodnight world...